Ally McBeal Season 6
by Ethan I
Summary: *UPDATE* Episode 4: "Truth" Things fall apart at both the firm--where changes are being implemented (though Ally is taking a hiatus)--and on the personal front. PLEASE give feedback.
1. Author's Note

"I have a great imaginary world, but sometimes I just need things to happen."—Ally McBeal

Author's Note

12-19-02

First of all, I would like to say how much respect I have for all of those who were involved in any way with the show _Ally McBeal_.  Though I consider it brilliant and affecting, I do think that the show was treated with much negligence towards the end of its life, and therefore all of the characters, and more importantly, their actions and behaviors, are based on how they were during the first few seasons of the show.

Though many an hour goes into each of these "scripts," I find that they can be read, or skimmed, rather, very quickly.  This is not how they are intended to be.  Stop, savor the words.  Try to picture what's happening in your head.  The notations, such as this one: " [_with anger_] " are there for a purpose.  Most importantly, though, read the script in the way that is best to your liking, to get the full, "McBeal mood."

Sincerely,

Ethan

*Disclaimer:  I own the rights to none of the characters (unless they're original, haha) seeing as how 20th Century Fox does.  This is merely a work by a fan of the show, and has not been officially  commissioned in any way.  All names, events, and/or places (other than the ones above mentioned) are purely coincidental and have no basis in fact.

And by the way, if you want to sue, I already know a firm in Boston, so don't try.


	2. All the Good Stuff

**_Ally McBeal_**

****

**6.1 - All the Good Stuff**

[_Song, _"New York, New York"_ plays as we see asst. shots of the Golden Apple—day; We finally come into a high hotel room and come to the clock—10:37 a.m.  Obviously here there are no workday pressures; it's carefree.  There in the bed we see Ally McBeal sleeping peacefully, for once in her life._]

[_We come upon her and she slowly opens her eyes with a faint smile.  As she stands up and stretches she starts to slowly catch the beat of the music.  Eventually she is dancing away._]

[_After a good while, the music stops.  Ally, now somewhat uneasy, goes out onto her balcony.  She looks down into the city.  Her mouth falls open in a horrified shock and she runs back into her room, slamming the balcony door.   She is now panting and looks around in disbelief as she leans against the balcony door._]

**Ally:**         [_bewildered_]  It...it wasn't a dream.  [_panicky_]  Oh my gosh.  It wasn't a dream.                                             [_rapid and suspiciously_]  No no no Ally.  Don't do this to yourself.  [_she closes her eyes_]  Come on Ally snap out of it, snap out of it— 

**Maddie:** Ally!

[_Maddie has now cheerily come out of the bathroom in a robe, her head wrapped in a towel._]

**Ally:**         [_looking up_]  Uh uh.  Not this time.  I am not gonna be suckered in…

[_she goes over to Maddie_]  Do you wanna dance?  Is that what this is about?  [_resolutely_]  Because if that'll get rid of you…

**Maddie:** [_with skepticism_] Ally.  We're going to look for a house at eleven, aren't we?

[_It now seems as if some truth dawns upon Ally._]

**Ally:**         [_scared, on the verge of screaming_] Oh…my…

_OPENING CREDITS_

[_Back to New York, the pair has now gone to a small cafe where they are sitting at a table, getting ready to eat breakfast._]

[_Ally stares on, forlornly, holding a coffee cup, as Maddie sits opposite her—suffering through Ally's diatribes._]

**Ally:**         [_semi-depressed_] And there was this big woman.  She always dressed in pink and and liked…frankfurters.  She looked like a float.  [_shudders_].  [_coming back to Earth_]  I was just hoping it was all too crazy to be real.

[_Maddie is about to add a comment when a waiter in his mid-thirties comes up to the small table_.]

**Waiter:**   What would you ladies like?  

[_Ally scoffs at this, but Maddie politely gives her order as we see Ally's face—something nagging her_.]

**Waiter:**   And you, miss?...[_waiting_]…[_now to Maddie, somewhat laughingly_]  Did she just wake up from a dream?

**Ally:**        [_to waiter_] What?  Wha wha what [_determined_] did you just say?

**Waiter:**   I told her you looked a little— 

**Ally:**        You asked her if I'd just come back from a dream.  What did you meant by that?  Clearly you were implying that I was spaced out.  You know, you come over here with your superior "I'm a waiter" attitude, condescending to the weak and underprivileged who don't have direct contact with the Almighty cook.  Well, why don't you take your cocky little attitude of yours somewhere else or shove it up that cocky little hole you have because us "silly little girls" are leaving. 

[_She stands up, face to face with the waiter, staring him down._]

**Ally:**         Excuse me.  

[_She begins to walk out, but turns as the waiter once again speaks._]

**Waiter:**         Aren't you going to pay for your coffee?

**Ally:**         [_frazzled_] Maybe you can find some change that slipped out of my pocket.

[_As Ally leaves we see Maddie mouth apologetically, "It must be that time of the month," to try and make up for her mother's oddness.  Ally begins walking down the street briskly, armed with a snarl.  We see Maddie come after her, now mad at Ally because of her cynical antics._]

**Maddie:** [_with an attitude_] You're not the only one who's alive you know.  Do you think everyone revolves around you?!  He was only joking.  You were being weird anyway.  

**Ally:**        Oh please Maddie, I don't see why it involves you.

**Maddie:         **[_enraged_] You're a snob Ally, you know that?  A little elitist.  You first got rid of  probably the only person who will ever love you again, because he's not on your level.  Did you ever consider that the man you were looking for might not be some nutcase lawyer like you…

[_As we see Ally walking towards us, Maddie, who is in hot pursuit suddenly transforms into Ally's mother._]

**Maddie: **[_continued_]…and then you're paranoia urges you to think that an innocent, unsuspecting waiter was trying to harass you?  You were probably hoping he was making a sexual advance so you could spray whipped cream on him!  And…and now this—

[_As a momentary close-up shows only the figure behind Ally, we see that Maddie is back to her normal self again.  As soon as Maddie finishes this time, Ally halts with flaring anger to face her._]

**Maddie:  **you wake up to find that everything that's happened to you is real, _and you're mad about it_?!  What were you thinking?  I was a dream too?  

**Ally:**        No.  You were more like a nightmare.

[_The shock Maddie feels is probably overshadowed by her hurt.  Ally immediately realizes her mistake.  Maddie slightly shakes her heard, as if she is in disbelief._]

**Ally:**        Oh.  I um…I didn't mean that.

[_The pain on Maddie's face grows more and more by the minute._]

**Maddie:**         [_regretfull_y] Stupid me.  I thought I was actually loved for once.  Weren't you the one who told me I was the only one who could fill the hole in your heart?

[_She begins to walk away; Ally follows in desperation._]

**Ally:**         Maddie!  I meant it.  

**Maddie:** [_with resentment_] I'm sure you were disappointed to find out that I'm actually real.

[_Ally sadly shrugs with regret._]

[_Back in the hotel room, Ally is nervously pacing as Maddie sits in a chair, pouting._]

**Ally:**        I don't think you need to do this Maddie.  I mean…this is what you originally ran away from.  You'll just be going full circle…

**Maddie:**         [_vehemently_] I'm sure, _mom_.

**Ally:**         [_rising, now taking charge_] No Maddie, I don't think you are.  Remember how you told me she never has time for you anymore?  Why do you think that's gonna change now?  

**Maddie: **Well at least she cares.

**Ally:        **I dropped my life to come back here for you!  What else can I do?!

**Maddie:**         [_almost pleading_] Ally, I don't fit in with your little dream world.

**Ally:**         [_desperate_] You don't have to.  We can make it work Maddie.  I'm…[_the verge of tears_]…I'm willing to do whatever it takes.  Even if…we don't see eye to eye on everything we at least owe ourselves something; we have a connection.  [_slowly_]I'm—your—mother.

[_Ally waits—holding out for any inkling of hope._]

**Maddie:**         When I was searching for you…I told myself I better have a backup plan in case you were some awful lady…you weren't.  But we're just not the same Ally.  And then when you dumped Victor…

**Ally:**        [_riled up_] So that's what this is about?  Victor?  

**Maddie:           **Well at least he got more love from me than he did from you.  You know, Ally, you really are—

**Ally:            **[_screaming_] You don't understand the situation!  And don't think you do just because he talked to you.  

[_Ally turns away before she says anything else.  After a long pause she goes back to Maddie, sensitive_]  Look Maddie…I know you liked—probably even loved him—but not everything works out. 

**Maddie:         **[_continuing_] See Ally?  That's like us.  After that happened [_pause_] I just knew.  There was no way it could work.

** Ally:**     [_with a mad resolution, nodding as if she understands_] So I guess I was just another player in one of your schemes.

[_There's a knock at the door.  Ally gets up and opens it to find Bonnie.  She lets here in.  As she passes we see how downtrodden Ally is._]

[_Bonnie, apparently oblivious to what has been going on, rushes to Maddie and gives her a hug._]

**Bonnie:**          Maddie!  I came as soon as I got the call.

[_Her happy expression fades as she sees Maddie isn't returning her smile._]

**Bonnie:          **What?  What's wrong?

[_She turns around to try and get a reaction from solemn-faced Ally.  Bonnie wears a bewildered look as she waits for an explanation._]

**Ally:**          Maddie thinks that she's [_pause_] ready to come back.

**Bonnie:** [_still puzzled_] What?  I thought she had decided to stay with you.

**Ally:**          [_defeated_] So did I.  [_pause_] Apparently she was just testing it out.  

**Bonnie:** [_now, somewhat angered_] Why are we going through this again Maddie? [_incredulous_] How many times is enough for you?

**Maddie: **Don't be mad.  It's just…

[_She looks over at Ally, who is of course still hurt._]

**Maddie: **I guess I had to leave to see what I was missing.  Everything important in my life is here.  

**Bonnie:**          [_confused_] Ally, I don't feel right about just doing this.  Have you two talked it over?  Are you okay with this?

**Ally:**          [_surrendering, yet with contempt only Maddie can see_] Whatever she wants.

**Bonnie:** [_to Maddie, seriously_] Is this want you really want?  This is for sure this time, no changes.  

**Maddie: **I know.

**Bonnie: **[_first looking at Maddie for a long moment, as if searching for the truth, then acknowledging something unspoken, as if she's found it_] Will you send her stuff?

**Ally:**          [_shaking her head, her eyes are lifeless_] Yeah.    

[_Maddie and Bonnie get up and move toward the door._]

**Ally:**      [_to Bonnie_] Could I umm just have a moment?

**Bonnie:** Sure.  

[_Bonnie steps out as the door closes.  The two are there in silence as Ally ponders something._]

**Ally:**          Maddie…whatever I did…I'm sorry.  

[_Maddie finally sees the emotion in everything and becomes loving again; she is emotional._]

**Maddie: **[_quietly_] Me too.

**Ally:**      If you…if you ever need to talk.  [_pause_].  [_now almost smiling through her clouded eyes_]  I don't know if I could help with guys but…

[_Maddie suddenly locks herself in a tight embrace with Ally.  Ally closes her eyes, cherishing one last moment._]

[_Ally reluctantly lets Maddie go and Maddie goes out the door.  As Maddie begins to walk off, Bonnie stays for a moment by the door where Ally stands._]

**Bonnie:** Are you gonna be okay?

**Ally:**            [_falsely "fine," with a fake smile_] Yeah…I guess kids will be kids.

[_After the door has shut, Ally leans against the door—her back to it.  She leans back her head and closes her eyes as Vonda begins to sing _"New York Minute."]

[_As this image fades, another one of a plane taking off comes into view.  As it is in the air, we see Ally looking forlornly out the window.  In all silence, except for the music, we see a stewardess bring Ally out of her daydream.  She smiles fakely as she declines whatever the woman has offered her.  Eventually the plane lands._]  

[_Once Ally gets into the airport she takes a deep breath.  The music ends/fades right before the next scene begins._]  

[_We hear Ally's voice before we see her.  What we do see is the camera slowly moving through a room, one that is familiar to us.  It reaches Ally as she concludes her thoughts._]

**Ally:**          I…I'm a failure.  I mean she actually told me that we're too different for it to work.  Just like the ever-passing men who wander through my life.  [_sighs_] I'm her own mother and she was just testing me out.  Like a new toilet paper brand.  [_ruefully_]  I guess I rubbed her the wrong way.

**Renee:**  Ally you're being too hard on yourself.  Maybe she was right.  Sometimes love just can't conquer…  I'm sure you two had a few conflicts.

**Ally:**          [_irately_] Renee—she was smoking at school!  That's not exactly open for interpretation.  What was I supposed to do?  Tell her we live in a free country?  An-an-and the whole Victor thing.  They were more attached to each other than they were to me.  [_sadly_]  It's just…I've lost the only man I've ever loved, I'm old, and I can now add to my resume that I couldn't even keep my daughter in my possession for three months.  [_bitterly_]  What else is there to life?

**Renee:**  [_wise and smiling_] You have your friends.  Admit it girl, you wouldn't have been happy in New York.  And you're not that old!  [_thoughtfully_] Old…but not that old.  [_smiling_]  Come on, let's go out and celebrate.  Like the good ole times.

**Ally:**          No…I called Richard.  I'm gonna meet him up at the office so I can, ya know, put all my stuff back in my old room.  

[_Renee gets up to get something to eat but she it talking to Ally as she is walking away._]

**Renee:**  Well that's fine.  But you better snap out of this attitude of yours soon.

[_The elevator door dings open to show the offices of Fish and Cage.  Ally steps out with a box, still distraught.  She begins to look around the office._]

**Ally:**          [_yelling_] Richard?  [_even louder_]  Richard!!

[_She sees the lights of the main room on._]

**Ally:**          Well…somebody's here.  

[_She goes to her offices door to find that it's locked.  She sighs, annoyed.  She looks up to see the doorplate reading _N. Porter_._]

**Ally:**          [_crossly_] That's what she thinks.

[_She puts down her box as she walks off.  We see her enter the unisex in her typical hand-on-forehead, facing downward manner._]  

[_She's walking like this until she raises her head.  On her face is a paranoid expression as she strains her ear, trying to hear something._]

[_One by one, she practically sneaks up to the stall doors and then rips them open.  Finally she comes to the one where the sound she hears is being emitted from.  She walks into the stall and now we faintly begin to hear it too:  beating against the back wall, accompanied by a woman's satisfied shriek._]

[_As Ally is listening, she sees a small object by the toilet.  As she picks it up we see it's some sort of remote.  She begins to press buttons and then events suddenly begin to happen:  the wall of John's Hole opens up to see Richard and Liza down to their bare underwear; they were leaning on the wall—Liza with her back to it—apparently involved in some steamy activities, ABBA playing in the background._]

[_As the wall opens, Liza falls backwards, towards the outside, and since there is nothing to stop her, she goes plummeting into the toilet headfirst.  Since Richard is on top of her, he scrambles to get off yet in the process accidentally flushes the toilet.  He finally pulls her out, hair dripping, yet in somewhat of a spiral._]

[_Ally stands aghast, horrified at what she's just done.  Richard and Liza also wear the same expression, except with anger instead of shock._]

**Ally:**      I uh…I was wondering if you could let me into my office, Richard.

[_Now—Ally's office._]

**Richard: **[_screaming_] How could you?!

**Ally:**          [_defensive_] Oh please Richard.  How was I supposed to know what was happening?

**Richard: **Could you not hear us?  We were practically on the verge of making love.

**Ally:**          [_repulsed_] How many people make love behind a toilet?  Were you just expecting me to wait until you were done?  Maybe I should have taken a tinkle.  My flushing probably wouldn't have disturbed you anyway.

**Richard: **Well you're in office.  I hope you're happy.

**Ally:**          [_screaming too_] I am!

[_Richard is walking out but stops in the doorway and turns around._]

**Richard: **Look Ally.  I'm sorry.  You know we're glad to have you back.  It's just that…  [_trying to reconnect_]  So what happened in New York?

[_Ally's unpacking some of her things as she talks, defeated._]

**Ally:**      Well, my daughter decided she was tired of me.

**Richard: **Ehh, bugger.

**Ally:**          [_slightly annoyed_] Yeah Richard.  It was.  But other than losing one of the only people I know, for sure, has an absolute, genetic connection with me, I'm fine.

**Richard: **[_oblivious to her problems_] Well I'm glad to hear you're doing great.  Better run.

[_Richard leaves.  She looks up at her office reflectively for a moment.  _"The Wildest Times of the World"_ begins to play.  We also hear Ally's thoughts as she unpacks, yet in the process removes Nelle's belongings in the place of her own._]

**Ally:**          {VOICE-OVER}[_sarcastic and slightly bitter_] Yeah.  I haven't heard that before.  [_contemplative_]  My motivation for others to flee would've made me a great track coach.  And I look so good in those little outfits too…[_snapping back_]  Oh, who cares.  They're right.  I should be happy to be home again.  To be with some of the only people who have ever been a family…A dysfunctional one to be sure, but, hey, you get what you can.

[_Ally is now walking down the street, looking up, enjoying her city._]

**Ally:**      {V/O CONTINUES}But somehow I still feel like there's a hole.  [_thoughtfully, for a moment_]  And I know just the person who can fill it.  But for right now I guess I should try to be content.  After all, as somebody once said, I had to leave to see what I was missing.  That's true.  All the good stuff is here.

[_The song continues as Ally makes her way down a street.  She slowly gets smaller and smaller as we zoom out.  The song wraps up as the screen fades away._]


	3. No Chances? No Whining!

**_Ally McBeal_**

****

**6.2 - No Chances?  No Whining!**

Previously on _Ally McBeal_:

o **Bonnie:**[_still puzzled_] What?  I thought she had decided to stay with you. 

**Ally:**         [_defeated_] So did I.  [_pause_] Apparently she was just testing it out.

o [_Ally reluctantly lets Maddie go and Maddie goes out the door._] 

o o **Renee:      **Admit it girl, you wouldn't have been happy in New York…****Come on, let's go out and celebrate.

o [_She looks up to see the doorplate reading _N. Porter_._] 

**Ally:**          [_crossly_] That's what she thinks.

[_At a ticket desk, much like a pick-up counter at any major airport, a woman cheerily stands, typing at her computer and looking at its readouts.  Once she finds the information that she's looking for, she doles out the necessary object (which we cannot see) to each customer.  The actual process is very vague to us, and it is inaudible exactly what is happening.  But we can see that the line continues in an orderly fashion.  Just as another person has collected what they came for and exits the queue, Ally McBeal finally steps up to the counter, content and reasonable._]

**Ally:**          Yes, I'm here to pick up my order.

**Attendant:**And you're name would be?

**Ally:**          [_with proud guilt, as if trying to draw attention_] McBeal…Ally.

**Attendant:**Hmm…[_the woman studies this "incredibly important" information grimly_]

**Ally:**          [_inquisitively, yet confused_] Is there a problem?

**Attendant:**Let's see, you had ordered a husband, correct?

**Ally:**          [_blissfully embarrassed again_] Yes.

**Attendant:**And this was quite a few number of years ago?

**Ally:**          [_bewildered_] Mmm hmm.  

[_The woman continues to study the apparently dire information._]

**Ally:**          I would assume that there's a problem.

**Attendant:**Well, ma'am, I'm sorry, but…you're order's been lost.

**Ally:**          Lost?  As in, _permanently_?  I mean, you can do something about this, right?  [_accusative_] You're the people who lost it, I surely hope you could.

**Attendant:**[_politely sorry_] Actually, we weren't the ones who caused the mishap.

[_Ally continues to stare condescendingly._]

**Ally:**          And that would be?

**Attendant:**Excuse me?

**Ally:**          Who would it be then?  [_noticeably agitated, gradually building anger_] I gave the order to Fate Inc. so who else but your company could've had the chance to botch it up?  All of these other people in line had orders that turned out just fine, and now you're telling me that I am the one fluke?  

**Attendant:**Ma'am, actually, it appears as if you were the one who caused the error in the order.

**Ally:**          And how is that?

**Attendant:**It happens from time to time.  There's really no way to tell, though, exactly.  Especially since even the slightest misstep on your part could've thrown the whole process off.  Were there any times you can think of, off the top of your head, where you decided not to take a chance?  [_knowingly, as if an expert_] _That's _the thing that really ruins it, and don't I know.

**Ally:**          So you're telling me it's been lost, permanently.  As in "Cher" permanently?

**Attendant:**Unless a miracle happens.  I really don't think that there's anything that we can do about, so I guess you're on your own.  You're eggs are drying up honey.  You better hop to it.  But then again I guess mid-forties isn't _too _old.

**Ally:**          Hey!  Mid-forties?!  I I I'm not even mid-thirties yet—

**Attendant:**[_looking past her_] Next!

**Ally:**          [_looking around in disgust_] Wait!  Wait! You can't just do this.  Who gave you the power?—  

[_The dream fades off as Ally's eyes pop open in horror.  Instead of screaming she just lies in her bed, motionless, eyes wide.  On the contrary, Renee is simply sitting at the foot of her bed looking cynically at her._]

**Renee:**      One night of peaceful sleep, that's all I ask. 

**Ally:**          [_worried and melodramatic_] Renee…my order has been lost.

**Renee:**      Oh honey, tell me about it.

**Ally:**          [_on the verge of tears_] Renee, [_long pause_] how old do you think I look?

**Renee:**      Oh…I'd say around…mid-forties.

[_Ally is aghast._]

_OPENING CREDITS_       

[_Boston, a jovial day.  Down on the streets, masses of people make their way through the catacombs of sidewalks and crosswalks.  They wait on various traffic lights and read their various papers.  Looking from overhead, down at the peaceful bustle, two conspicuous, yellow objects bounce along.  As the camera comes down we see Ally McBeal, looking unsure of herself and slightly anxious, yet not being intimidated by the two pineapples she carries, one in each hand._]

[_The elevator dings, and as the two doors separate we see a familiar law office.  Elaine, who is glossing her lips, looks up and, excited, suddenly throws down her supplies and regally turns to face the rest of the office._]

**Elaine:**       [_falsely proud, begging for notice_] Attention!  Attention all!  Our dear friend Ally McBeal has finally returned to us, and it looks like she came back from New York with two big ones!  Let's make her feel at home.

[_Since the few number of associates who _are_ in the office hardly look up, Elaine shrugs melodramatically as Ally walks up behind her._]

**Ally:  **        [_distracted_] Elaine.  Hi.  Um, where is everyone at the…moment.

**Elaine:**       [_still looking out_] Haven't you heard?  All of the whippersnappers left for another law firm.

**Ally:**          [_exasperated_] What?!  When?  They can't just do that.  Why would they wanna leave?  What office has more sexual tension than us?

**Elaine:**       Apparently Jenny and Glenn's.

[_Ally looks disgusted.  Elaine turns around and exaggeratedly sobs._]

**Elaine:**       Oh, Ally—what will we do?

**Ally:**          Where is Richard?

**Elaine:  **     [_stopping suddenly_] In his office.

[_Ally walks, with apprehension, to her office.  She shuts the door again, and, standing against it, looks out the window.  She is so anxious staring into space that she doesn't notice Nelle, who is under the window, bent over looking in a filing cabinet.  Ally eventually walks around the other side of the desk and wearily sits down in her chair.  Nelle, just as oblivious, is absorbed in a file and attempts to sit down, missing the chair she assumes is there.  A scream is uttered from the ground as a few papers fly up around Ally._]

[_As we are looking directly at the absorbed Ally in her chair, we see Nelle pop up suddenly behind her._]

**Nelle:**        [_smiling yet condescending_] Excuse me.  You're in my office.

**Ally:**          Not anymore. 

**Nelle:**        Oh, I see. [_large pause_] And what fairy land did you fly in from?

**Ally:**          Nelle, I think you might be forgetting—_I'm _a partner of the firm, whereas _you _are not.  I was hoping that you could get the hint when the _N. Porter_ sign was removed off of the door, but since that obviously didn't work why don't we just peacefully begin moving your stuff.  [_Happily_] Hey—I'll even help.

**Nelle:**        [_still smiling_] Look.  I don't think _you_ understand.  You left.  I came in.  Since an office is an office, go see unicorns in another one.  

[_Nelle, who has a hold of the back of the chair, suddenly pulls it towards her.  By now the anger is_

_apparent on her face.]_

**Ally:**          Watch it!

[_It appears as if Ally is trying to pull the chair away from Nelle, but she suddenly rams it back in _

_Nelle's direction, causing her to lose her balance and stumble a bit.  Nelle's face shows pure indignance, but she turns around to the filing cabinet again._]

**Nelle:**        Tell me Ally.  Is it hard knowing you're a failure as both a lover and a mother?         

[_Nelle is leafing through the cabinet's contents again as Ally, apparently unphased, begins to lecture like a parent._]

**Ally:**          [_trying to be nonchalant, yet knowing she is the weaker_] Nelle.  Dear, dear Nelle.  I don't think you wanna start this. I can be vicious.  _Vicious_.  [_bullying_]  And last time I checked, you haven't really been doing the breadwinning for this firm.  In fact, it would be easy to say something to Richard, since I'm the one with seniority here—

**Nelle:**        Actually, I think I would be the one with seniority now.  [_Ally stares detestably, powerless_]  So shoo, I have an important case.

[_Ally, down to her last resort, suddenly picks up one of the pineapples by its stem and wacks Nelle viciously in the back of the head.  Nelle lurches forward a bit but doesn't have time to respond since Ally is already storming out.  Nelle still files at the cabinet as we hear Ally bellow "Richard!"  Nelle finally rotates her torso towards the desk again, staring perplexedly at the lone pineapple still sitting there._]

[_Ally, obviously distraught, whirls across the main office area, with Elaine in tow._]

**Elaine:**       Ally, can you take a client?

**Ally:**          Give it to Nelle, she apparently has the facilities to handle one.

**Elaine:**       What's with the pineapple?

**Ally:**          [_yelling a distance_] Don't ask.

[_Ally flings open the door to Richard's office, only to see Liza's head pop up from behind Richard's desk.  Liza takes a breath, about to justify her guilty action when Ally, seeing that Richard is  nowhere in sight, shuts the door and heads to John's office.  She enters and the door slams behind her.  Seeing Richard, she starts in immediately._]

**Ally:**          [_rapidly_] Richard!  Why did you let her have my office?  I mean [_admittingly_] I did say she could have it, but I meant after the mourning period of my absence was over.  [_slowly, unsure_] There was a mourning period after my leave wasn't there?

**Richard:**    [_mad_] Shhh.  Can ya give the little guy a little concentration, please?  

[_Ally is bewildered at first and then, with exasperation, looks over to see John hanging upside from a beam, humming to himself.  She looks back to Richard, who is unphased, and then looks once more to John.  He begins to slowly pull himself out of his meditative reverie only to have his eyes snap open as he sees Ally.  He lets out a shriek, accompanied with a contorted face, and falls to the ground._]

[_Ally runs over, obviously feeling responsible.  John is still in a partial wad on the floor, yet he says nothing, thinking, and staying in his current position.  Finally:_]

**John:**         I'm in a lull.

*                                                                                  *                                                                      *

[_A few minutes later—John's office.  John is leaning against the wall as Ally nervously paces.  Richard is off at a distance, looking out the window._]

**Ally:**          Why?!

**John:**         They all left Ally!  I don't know why.  I was simply called in to make up for their financial absence.

**Ally:**          [_angrily_] You don't know?

**John:**         Maybe young people migrate like that.

**Ally:**          [_incredulous_] I'm young and I don't migrate!

[_John looks at her skeptically, as if to say, "You're not _that _young."  Ally only stares at him with narrow slits, vehemently._]

**Ally:**          [_calling to him_] Richard!…You were the one who was here when they all left.  

[_He turns from the window to face them, with a culpable expression on his face._]

**Richard:**    [_defensively_] Leave me alone.  Maybe they just decided it was time for a change.

[_Ally and John glance at each other knowingly._]

**John:**         [_serious_] Richard—if you know something, it's important that we hear it.

**Richard:**    [_as if he's being bothered_] Oh…I might've said something.

[_John moves his right hand in a circular motion, as if to solicit the information._]

**Richard: **   I just…at a staff meeting one day, I said they were boring…and…maybe…dull.

[_Ally stares, disgusted._]

**John:**         [_still solemn, slowly_] Richard.  That's a pretty serious accusation.  

[_John suddenly snaps out of it and becomes angrily galled._]

**John:**         How could you!

[_John continues with his expression of horror and shock at Richard, while Ally closes her eyes, and rubs her head.  There is a knock at the door.  Elaine sticks her head through, sumptuously happy as ever._]

**Elaine:**       I hate to interrupt the powwow, but Ally—the client is still here.  He insists on having you. 

**Ally:**          [_tired_] John…

**John:  **       [_apologetically_] I'm completely full.

**Ally:**          Oh, alright.  Tell him to go to Richard's office.

[_The litigant is already in his chair, and Ally walks through the door and plops down into Richard's chair, defeated._]

[_She settles into the desk and is absorbed in minutia—the moving of pens, the shuffling of papers, when she eventually looks up to see the man staring, waiting for her._]

**Ally:**          Leonard, right?

**Leonard:**  Robbins.

**Ally:**          And?

**Leonard:**  I would like to sue the Stocking Publishing Company.

**Ally:**          [_pause_] And how long did you work there?

**Leonard:**  Well, umm…I didn't, actually.

**Ally:  **        [_looks up momentarily from her writing_] Have they inflicted any…stress or turmoil upon you, in any way?

**Leonard:**  I guess you could say that.

**Ally:**          What—did they commit libel?  Because if that's the case, I think you're going to need a firm that handles—

**Leonard:**  No, no.  It's nothing of that sort.

[_He stops, looking down as Ally waits._]

**Ally:**          Well Leonard, if I go into the judge for the prelim he will probably expect me to tell him something.  You know, that's what lawyers do—we talk.

**Leonard:**  [_coming back_] I picked this firm—and you—specifically because of…Well, you see, I went in for a job interview one day, but it became rather fouled up.

**Ally:**          What did they do?  Violation of rights, discrimination…

**Leonard:**  It was what _I _did, actually.  I just felt like I didn't do my best.

**Ally:**          And, why are you suing?

**Leonard:**  They wouldn't let me interview again.

**Ally:**          You're suing them because they wouldn't let you have another _interview_?

**Leonard:**  Yes.

[_Ally sighs and looks down_.]

[_Boston courthouse—a plump, gray-haired judge, The Honorable G. Lansing, listens to the two lawyers directly in front of him, with slight apathy.  Both lawyers—Fish & Cage's A. McBeal and Stocking Publishing Co.'s J. Benson are whiny and seemingly desperate._]

**Ally:**          But, Your Honor, there is nothing in the company's policy about this.  They're simply making a subjective refusal; in theory, he should be able to apply and interview as many times as he wishes, but he's not even doing that.  He simply wants another interview.

**Benson:**     We're a private company, Your Honor.  We are fair to all our applicants, but we're simply too busy to let everyone have as many interviews as they wish.  Stocking Publishing has a lot to do and since our interview process is very selective and thorough, it takes some of our top staffers away from their jobs when we actually have a candidate who has gotten through to the interview.

**Lansing:**    How many of these "top" employees are there for the actual interview?  

**Benson:**     Five, your Honor.  This is partly because of the job position applied for.

**Lansing:**    Which was?

**Benson:**     Assistant editor:

[_The judge cogitates for a moment and then turns to Ally._]  

**Lansing:**    What did your client actually do to…botch this up?

**Ally:**         I'm afraid, Your Honor, that could be considered evidence, and therefore I'm ordered by the Court to withhold the information.

[_Lansing understands, but is annoyed._]

**Lansing:** Eleven o'clock tomorrow.  I want to hear from your client, Ms. McBeal—[_to Benson_] you're of course welcome to cross—and then I'll have a short, I repeat _short _closing from both of you.  You two better make the whole thing snappy.  I repeat, _snappy_.

[_Back in John's hole, we see John and Richard sitting contemplatively.  They both have cigars, and right before John speaks we hear a distant toilet flush._]

**John:**        More employees.  That's what we need.  [_grandiose pause_]  Cage and Fish—we're running on a skeleton crew.

**Richard:**  [_trying to be deep, as well_] More money.  That's what we really need.

[_John simply turns and looks at Richard who is still facing away from him.  Richard, oblivious, blows a thoughtful puff of smoke._]

[_In the unisex, Elaine is standing at the sink, putting droplets of water from the sink onto her_

_bosom, right about her cleavage where it can be seen.  She then also dabs water around her_

_temples, trying to make it look like sweat.  She quickly stops when she hears a toilet flush, and she turns off the water as Nelle comes out of a stall.  She walks up to the mirrors and begins to wash her hands._]

**Nelle:**       What are you doing?

**Elaine:**     [_with an obvious smile_] Isn't it obvious?  I'm trying to quell the quenching heat my body is giving off.  All of the sweat is evidently caused by my ever-high pheromone production.  [_dangerously_]  It's just a good thing we don't have any male employees here right now.  They wouldn't be able to get any work done.

[_Nelle grimaces, confused, knowing Elaine is only doused in mock sweat._]

[_From the door, Liza comes in with a derogatory smile—bringing scolding looks from the other two women.  She goes up to another mirror to mess with her hair, but still notices the looks she receives from Elaine and Nelle._]

**Liza:**         [_childlike_] Well well.  It seems like some of us got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  Maybe you two need a nappy?

[_Liza finishes primping and goes to a stall on the right side._  _She turns around as Elaine makes a rebuttal._]

**Elaine:**     [_in mock childness_] Maybe you need a little slappy?

**Liza:**         Oh, I'm quite alright Elaine.  I get my slapping at night.  Maybe that's why you two are so down—you can never get any like me.

**Nelle:**       [_facing the mirror_] But when you consider whom you're getting yours from…

[_Elaine, who has now turned around towards Liza, has a smile on her face at this._]

**Liza:**         [_mock hurt, still childlike_] Elaine, I wouldn't laugh.  By the way, are you sure you have time for this?  You better get back to your little desk.  What if a client comes in?  Because, you know, we need every client.

[_As Liza goes into a stall, Elaine raises an eyebrow, acknowledging a challenge._]

[_The next day, back in the courthouse, we see Mr. Robbins on the stand as Ally stands in front of the bench, slightly to one side._]

**Ally:**         Now, Mr. Robbins.  How many weeks was it, prior to the interview, that you turned in your application?

**Leonard:**  About four.  Four weeks.

**Ally:**         Four weeks before you received a call from the company.  Did this bother you any?

**Leonard:**  Well, initially, I _was _worried.  I thought it meant I hadn't met their requirements.

**Ally:**         But—

**Leonard:**  But I eventually got the call.

**Ally:**         And what were your reactions?

**Leonard:** I was elated.  I had dreamed about this specific job, at this company, specifically, since my third year in college.

**Ally:**         And so this was obviously a significant event.  Prior to the application, did you receive any type of special training?

**Leonard:** Well I had done research into the company to see what kind of qualities they were looking for.  But, yes, I did.  I took some special classes.  [_pause_] I knew that it might be a long shot for them to give me this as my first major job, but I _had _prepared. 

**Ally:**         And approximately how many people does Stocking Publishing employ?

**Leonard:**  I believe somewhere around a thousand.

**Ally:**         A thousand.  [_pause_] Can you walk me through the events on the day of the interview?

**Leonard:** Well, I was understandably nervous.  I told myself I shouldn't be, but when you prepare for something as long as this.  I wore my lucky underwear, though.  I find that they've given me luck from time to time—

**Ally:**         But, could you tell us about the actual interview?

**Leonard:** Yes.  It was about a half an hour process.  There were five executives, all in dark suits.  They were in a kind of circle about me.  They all had these hard stares, which were focused on me even when they were asking questions.  I tried to seem funny, or at least congenial, but they never smiled.

**Ally:**         Did this throw you off-guard any?

**Leonard:**  In a way.  It certainly didn't help alleviate my current state of nervousness.

**Ally:         **You told me that they told you that they had had enough?

**Leonard:**  Yes.

**Lansing:**  [_somewhat agitated_] What—I'm confused.

**Leonard:**  [_turning to him_] They told me that the interview was over.

**Lansing:**  So.

**Leonard:**  Well they still had two pages on their question sheet left.

**Lansing:**  How do you know those two pages were for questions?

**Leonard:**  Well, I can only assume, Your Honor.

**Lansing:**  Excuse me, Mr. Benson?

**Benson:**  [_sitting at the opposing table_] Yes, Your Honor?

**Lansing:**  Are you aware of what these extra sheets were for?

**Benson:**  I believe they were additional questions, which the employers didn't see fit since they had already made up their minds.

**Lansing:**  So you're saying they did cut the interview short?

**Benson:**  [_with slight hesitation_] Yes, Your Honor.

[_Lansing looks back at Ally, signaling for her to continue with the questioning._]

**Ally:**         When did you hear you hadn't been hired?

**Leonard:** Well, I never actually did.  I had to call back.  The woman on the phone seemed annoyed.  She finally came back, telling me the obvious.

**Ally:**         Which was that you weren't hired.

**Leonard:**  Yes.

**Ally:**         And, if you could, tell the Court how you felt when you heard?

**Leonard:** This was what my whole education, and I suppose, even my life came down to.  I was devastated.

**Ally:**         [_deliberate pause_]Nothing further.

[_As Ally goes to sit, Benson rises from his chair and goes onto the floor._]

**Benson:**  Did you feel violated in any way, Mr. Robbins, during the interview?

**Leonard:**  Well I felt scrutinized, maybe.  The air seemed very hostile—

**Benson:**  But—

**Leonard:**  No, I didn't feel as if my rights had been violated.

**Benson:**  Did this group of people _ever _ask you any questions which seemed, even the least bit discriminatory?

**Leonard:**  No.  The questions were only about my abilities and experience.

**Benson:**  Tell me, Mr. Robbins—what was it that drew you to this company in the first place?

**Leonard:** Well, I knew when I was in college that I wanted to be involved with the publishing business.  I looked at many companies and this one…they had an extra flair; they did things their own way.

**Benson:**  They did things their own way.  And how could you account for this?

**Leonard:**  Well, they're an independent company.  They have no smaller businesses to take care of…Stocking Publishing had no preexisting paradigms which could get in their way.

**Benson:**  What if you didn't fit in with this unique company?  [_slowly_] What if these employers actually saw that you would have just been a congestion to the company?  You were applying for a position that was fairly high up the ladder.  Would you have sacrificed what you loved about this company if it was the only way you could work there?

**Leonard:** I really doubt I could have had _that _much influence over the company.  Besides, I do feel like I fit in with them—

**Benson:**  But if it that would have been the case…?

**Leonard:**  I…I don't know.

**Benson:**  That's all I have Your Honor.

[_A few minutes later in the courtroom, Ally McBeal is now standing in front of Judge Lansing, finishing her closing arguments._]

**Ally:**         [_slightly incensed_] It's not like the Court is forcing the company to hire Mr. Robbins for this position.  He simply wants another interview—he did everything he could to be prepared, and then when he didn't get it…Your Honor, you heard yourself that this man's interview was cut short.  [_with a tiny tinge of sadness_] He is simply asking for another full, objective interview.

[_Once again, Ally goes to sit down as Benson goes in front of the judge.  Lansing now looks as if the last remnants of his patience have been dissolved.  Benson opens his mouth to begin._]

**Lansing:**  Snappy.

**Benson:**  [_a pause_] Your Honor, you heard the man say it himself:  this is a private company who get to play by their own rules.  Yes, if Leonard Robbins was applying for a government job, maybe there would be a way to technically prove some negligence, but Stocking Publishing Company has broken no rules.  Therefore there is _no_reason they should be ordered to give another interview.  As cruel as this may seem, he would've gotten the job, or, at the very least been called for a follow-up if his interview had been worthy of the employers' time.  It is wrong for a company to invert its decision simply because an applicant _wanted _a job.  We all want things, but wanting them doesn't necessarily make them happen.  You know it, I know it and most importantly, Mr. Robbins knows it

[_Ally shuts the door in one of the "client" rooms of the courthouse as Leonard goes to the window._]

**Leonard:  **You think we have a chance?

**Ally:**         [_genuinely_] I…I don't know.  I'm sure we'll find out soon, though, since it seems we have a judge who likes to do everything snappy.

[_Ally has a faint smile on her face, but it fades as she notices Leonard, who is unaffected._]

**Ally:**         [_quietly_] Leonard…Are you okay?

**Leonard:** It's just that.  I can't help thinking…what if I would've done better in that interview room?  I was qualified for sure, so I know it wasn't that.  It was _me _Ally.  In all truth I'm the one who caused myself to not be hired.  [_pleading_] If I had only known!  Isn't it weird, Ally…the most trivial things we do…they can later blow the whole thing.

**Ally:**         [_fakely, trying to cheer him up_] But, hey—that's what second chances are for.

**Leonard:**  [_turning to face her_] But, what if a second chance never comes?

[_Ally opens her mouth again to try and offer some false hope, but she's not sure what to say._]

[_Back in the courtroom, Judge Lansing comes through the doors, and both the defendant and plaintiff sit back down as he takes his seat._]

**Ally:**         [_muttering, very quietly_] Make it snappy.

[_Lansing looks up sharply, staring at Ms. McBeal, but she only offers a wide, innocent smile._]

**Lansing:** [_thoughtfully_] Though many cases are, to say the least, ambiguous in their nature, a moral right and wrong can finally be determined.  And in those cases which are initially confusing, I don't find it a bit wrenching to give an unmistakable ruling at the end. 

To me, this case still seems ambiguous in its conclusion.  I think it's unfortunate that this case has no great weight to it—no one will be sent to jail or fined a great a sum.  Yes, a man _has _built his life around a certain moment and principle; and any ruling will no doubt have an effect on it.  But, in a way, I can't look at these circumstances.  I must simply and honestly look at what has happened here.  And when I do, I see a sovereign body, which, while not above the law, is still free from being ruled by one man's whim.  Therefore I regretfully announce that the plaintiff's motion is denied.

[_The hitting of a distant gavel can be heard as we see Ally McBeal, sitting behind the table, motionless.  The sad stare that has captured her face becomes more clear as we get closer and closer.  Finally, a man to her right addresses her._]

**Leonard:**  Miss McBeal…

**Ally:**         [_slowly_] Yeah.  

[_The first piano chords of Vonda's "Reason to Believe" start up as the camera pans across Ally and Renee's apartment.  It eventually pans to Ally, sitting on the floor in a blanket watching the television screen.  As the light from the screen plays across her face we see her regretful demeanor; she takes a sip of wine as Renee comes in from work and flicks on the lights._]

[_As Ally is absorbed in what she is watching, we see Renee, in the distance, take off her jacket, notice Ally, and come over to her.  She sees a video box and skeptically picks it up._]

**Renee:  **   [_looking at the box_] _The Age of Innocence_?!  

[_Renee grabs the remote control, with anger, and flips off the t.v.  Ally returns this irate attitude._]

**Ally:**         I'm watching that!

**Renee:**     We haven't gone dancing since you've been back, have we?

**Ally:  **       [_pause_] I don't really think I'm in the mood tonight.

**Renee:**     Please Ally, this is getting ridiculous.  

[_Renee sighs and finally, reluctantly sits down beside her._]

**Renee:**     Well?

**Ally:  **       Remember the case I told you about?

**Renee:**     Yeah. [_pause_] I take it that it went bad.

**Ally:  **       [_casually_] Oh, the judge denied the motion.  But…Renee, it's wrong that because of one messup in your life you have to pay for it forever.  I mean, shouldn't there be a cutoff?  [_large pause_] I couldn't help imagining myself being the one in the courtroom getting the sentence from the judge.  Remember the dream?

**Renee:**     [_dismissingly_] Ally— 

**Ally:**         [_quickly cutting in_] When I went there to pick up my husband, the woman said that even the smallest thing could've messed up the whole process! 

**Renee:**     Mmm hmm. 

**Ally:**         Well obviously she was right.  

Do you believe in fate?

**Renee:  **   [_starting to get up_] We've been through this.

**Ally:**         Seriously.  [_helpless_] I just don't think… 

**Renee:**     Ally.  If you want something. I mean if you _really _want something, go out and get it, girl.  What's stoppin' you?  Fate can't hold a candle to you.  [_serious again_] Just don't sit on your skinny little butt and whine about it.

**Ally:**         Like you?  Where's your husband?

[_Renee, who is now standing, turns around with a look of exaggerated offense._]

**Renee:**     Who says I like boys anyway?  Why do you think I was so eager to let you stay here?

[_There's a knock on the door and Renee goes over to answer it.  Ally simply looks at the floor as Renee and another man's voice can be heard in the background.  After a brief conversation Renee shuts the door again and walks into the kitchen._]

**Ally:**         Who was it?

**Renee:**     Oh, just a gentlemen caller for me.

**Ally:**         And you refused?

[_Renee is now walking back into the living room with a cup of coffee._]

**Renee:**     Yeah, I told him I had to keep my depressed friend company.

**Ally:**         Is it true?

**Renee:**     [_thoughtfully_] I hope not the depressed part.  [_after a pause_]  So…what's this movie about?

**Ally:**         [_with a smile_] Missed chances.

[_Renee rolls her eyes in contempt.  As the camera slowly leaves their apartment we see Ally holding_

_on to a fleeing Renee, trying to get her to stay in the room to finish the rest of the movie._]


	4. Throwing on the Towel

6.3 

Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc. 

* * *

[ bottom ] 
    
    
    Previously on Ally McBeal:
    ALLY
    [distracted] Elaine. Hi. Um, where is
    everyone at the...moment.
    ELAINE
    [still looking out] Haven't you heard?
    All of the whippersnappers left for
    another law firm.
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    NELLE
    [smiling yet condescending] Excuse me.
    You're in my office.
    ALLY
    Not anymore.
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    [Ally, down to her last resort, suddenly
    picks up one of the pineapples by its
    stem and wacks Nelle viciously in the
    back of the head.]
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    LIZA
    [mock hurt, still childlike] Elaine, I
    wouldn't laugh. By the way, are you sure
    you have time for this? You better get
    back to your little desk.
    [As Liza goes into a stall, Elaine raises an eyebrow,
    acknowledging a challenge.]
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    Ally McBeal
    6.3 - Throwing on the Towel
    [We see, for a moment, the doors of the office elevator at
    Cage & Fish before they ding open. Inside, Ally McBeal has a
    wide smile on her face. Because she is, for the moment, so
    lighthearted, she smiles, almost to the point of chuckling,
    and steps through the doors into the office. The happy
    expression on her face morphs as soon as she (and we) hear a
    large power drill coming from another room.]
    [The odd look on her face indeed expresses whatever this
    strange scene may be, and she stands, for a moment, and then
    begins to slowly, look around, walking from office to
    office.]
    [Suddenly, Elaine comes up behind her and Ally jumps with
    surprise. As she turns around reluctantly, we see the
    precocious receptionist, standing in a red shirt, but other
    unusual equipment as well: large safety goggles, a toolbelt
    around her waist, and, most importantly, the power drill.]
    [Ally opens her mouth to inquire, but is unable to express
    the convergence of her thoughts.]
    ELAINE
    [with a smile] They're waiting in staff.
    [As Ally walks into the room, one can faintly hear Vonda
    singing "Yellow Submarine". She sits down and, with a smile
    intended to deflect attention, Ally speaks.]
    ALLY
    Great. Let's go.
    RICHARD
    [standing at the table's head] Ally. A
    looney doesn't just say that without some
    inner...maniacal thinking. So, from the
    firm to you, my condolences on whatever
    tragedy you yourself are trying to
    overcome.
    [Ally, obviously, is disgusted.]
    JOHN
    I have many a case Richard. I need to be
    going.
    ALLY
    I'm here!
    NELLE
    Congratulations. This time we're
    actually waiting on Li--
    [A woman's scream of rage is uttered from somewhere in the
    depths of the office building. Elaine struts in moments
    later.]
    ELAINE
    Richard. I think Liza would like you.
    She's apparently angry. Somehow, her
    desk collapsed, though I haven't the
    slightest.
    [The camera switches between everyone's face, all thoughtful:
    Richard, John, Ally and Nelle. Finally it goes back to
    Elaine, beaming in guilty indulgence.]
    OPENING CREDITS
    [Back in the office Ally is just putting up a law book when
    she sees Nelle goes by. She hurriedly puts away the book and
    makes quick pursuit. They speak with eachother as Ally tails
    the preoccupied Nelle.]
    ALLY
    Nelle, wait.
    NELLE
    I don't have time...[annoyed] what?
    ALLY
    [somewhat fed up] Well, Nelle, as most
    lawyers do from time to time, I have a
    client. And though I know this is
    probably far past your level of willfull
    comprehension I will need a facility.
    [obviously] Ya know, Nelle, I do work
    here, and though I can assure you it's
    unfortunate, I might need an office to
    work in.
    [They've now stopped walking to face eachother.]
    NELLE
    And what's the problem?
    ALLY
    You're in mine!
    NELLE
    Former office, Ally. Just think of it
    like an ex-boyfriend. You're certainly
    experienced in that field.
    ALLY
    [pleading somewhat] Nelle, even if it was
    mine...once, it still was [pause;
    happily] mine! It it has the spirit of
    me. Me and that office are just...tight.
    [Three sudden flashes: Ally kissing Billy, Ally kissing
    Greg, Ally falling onto the floor with the "Carwash Boy".]
    ALLY (CONT'D)
    It's like an article of old clothing:
    once a pair of underwear has been with
    you through everything, how can you
    just...
    NELLE
    Wash out the fluid stains?
    ALLY
    [pause, then finally: testy] Look,
    that's one of the only things I have a
    deep emotional connection to. I don't
    ask for much.
    [Richard's office.]
    JOHN
    [defensive] I'm simply saying that the
    workload is getting too heavy. Even with
    Liza, Nelle and Ally. Or maybe I should
    say because of Liza, Nelle and Ally.
    RICHARD
    John--
    JOHN
    I apoligize; I know that they're all
    sufficient lawyers, but--
    RICHARD
    I have an ad in the paper running
    everyday. But John, we still have, as
    always, oodles of money...We're doing
    fine, buddy...It's not like we're dying
    for more employees.
    JOHN
    Though it's true we might be financially
    stable, a man still needs his rest! I
    took a hiatus for a reason, then it was
    swept away by your, your mistake. And,
    frankly, I don't think it's fair for you
    to be getting wattle from your wily wife
    while me and the other women (mainly me)
    are doing all of the wearisome work.
    RICHARD
    [pause] Wow.
    JOHN
    Well do something.
    RICHARD
    Don't worry John.
    JOHN
    [with humorous disgust, right in
    Richard's face] I'm due in court.
    [Back in John's office, we see his "stress" equipment in use:
    the sand, the soft stones and the rake, all encompassed in a
    small wooden box. As the camera pans up, Ally McBeal is
    shown to be the operator and appears to be more absorbed in
    this than she is her current client. She looks up to speak.]
    ALLY
    Now, if this umm facility is located
    fairly far out, why did you decide to
    come into the city to have the case
    litigated?
    MATTHEW
    Well, I knew I would probably have a
    better chance in the courts here.
    It's obvious that there is a much larger
    occurence of eclectic court cases in
    Boston, rather than in one of its small
    outskirts. I hear this firm, in
    particular, handles the eccentric cases.
    ALLY
    [ruefully] Oh, well, ya know. [pause] So,
    Mr. Riggins. You were one of the
    co-supervisors at the rest stop, and so
    you therefore wanted to put...plants in
    the restrooms.
    MATTHEW
    [slightly hesitatingly] Not just potted
    ones. I wanted to have real, growing
    vines and flowers.
    ALLY
    And, umm, I know this is probably very
    obvious to everyone else such as
    yourself, but...why?
    [Matthew, now in court, sits in the witness's chair.]
    MATTHEW
    [with an enthusiast's excitement] Well,
    you see, the area all around the rest
    stop is so beautiful and organic. It
    seems as if the brown building was almost
    an interruption to the beauty that nature
    had presented.
    ALLY
    Now, Mr. Riggins, you had already
    implented these live plants all along the
    outside of the building. Why not stop
    there. After all, a bathroom is a
    fairly...private place.
    MATTHEW
    That's just the thing. Not to most of
    these people. Many of the people who
    stop there are true mountaineers and love
    nature anyway. I would say there's
    hardly any contesting from them on that.
    And why not? What's so wrong with
    keeping the bathrooms fresh and
    oxygenated?
    [Ally smiles knowingly at the Honorable S. Walsh as if to
    say, "how can you argue with that?"]
    [During lunch break later, in a room full of yoga-practicing
    women, Ally and Renee seem to be the only ones who aren't in
    deep concentration. They lay on their yoga mats looking up
    at the ceiling, talking.]
    ALLY
    Ya know, when I get cases like these, I
    can't help but wondering...
    RENEE
    Cases like what?
    ALLY
    A man is trying to implement plants in
    rest stop restrooms! How ridiculous!
    Out of our whole perverted, morally
    ambiguous, insider-trading, polluting
    society the biggest problem he can find
    is that the restrooms aren't mountain
    valley fresh? I'm not kidding Renee,
    lawyering can sometimes...suck.
    RENEE
    [thoughtfully] Not always. At least you
    know that deep down in your naive little
    heart you started out with good
    intentions.
    ALLY
    Renee! That's the thing! I didn't.
    There was no love for the law involved,
    just lust for a man.
    RENEE
    [understanding] Come on now, Ally.
    That's sweet. And besides, you know it
    wasn't lust. It was true, storybook,
    aspartame love.
    ALLY
    Aspartame isn't even real sugar. It's
    cancerous. [exasperated] And and look
    where it got me!
    RENEE
    Well if you're tired of it we can fix
    that easily. There's still time in your
    life for other hobbies. Let's see now-
    when you were a little kid [simply] what
    did you wanna do?
    [Ally has now shaped her body into a tangled up mass, her
    head sticking through it all.]
    ALLY
    I wanted to be an anchorwoman. How good
    of a job would that have been? You get
    to have good outfits, good hours, it's
    well-paying, interesting, smart,
    sexy...[drifting off]
    RENEE
    [skeptically] Sexy?
    ALLY
    [coming back] Oh, I know you remember
    Barbara in those early days. She was hot
    stuff Renee. Now there was the image of
    the contemporary working woman...And when
    she would narrow her eyes, trying to get
    to the meat of the question. She was the
    image for everyone aspiring woman out
    there. But lawyers? Even if I would
    have actually wanted to be one, what
    powerful woman would I have had to aspire
    to?
    RENEE
    Janet Reno?
    ALLY
    I said woman.
    [Just then, the male yoga instructor comes over to the two
    girls.]
    INSTRUCTOR
    Would you ladies like any help?
    [Renee eyes him with a smile, yet Ally scowls:]
    ALLY
    I think we've got it.
    [He walks away with a shrug and Renee shoots an expression of
    contempt at Ally, now on her back, who continues with her
    lament.]
    ALLY (CONT'D)
    [genuinely sad] I know I've never treated
    the job seriously, Renee, how could you
    working at Cage & Fish. But this...I've
    never felt so [pause] disillusioned. My
    my my life is getting to the ridiculous
    point with all of these trivial tasks
    that I do, but, oh, wait, it's in the
    name of liberty and justice.
    [Renee is now intently listening, and, as Ally continues to
    stretch, a sharp pop can be heard and Ally loses her
    position. She rests, beaten, on her mat, rapidly panting for
    breath.]
    RENEE
    It's sounds like you need a break.
    ALLY
    [falsely optimistic] You know Renee, that
    idea's not half bad. I could go spend
    some time with--I forgot: there's nobody
    to spend time with.
    RENEE
    Hey, it would be fun. A little time for
    just us girls.
    ALLY
    [jokingly] And would that be because we
    needed some time away from all of the men
    in our lives?
    [Back at the office, we see the golden "N. Porter" plate on
    the door move as the door is opened. A client walks out and
    there, standing against the wall, is Ally, who is waiting on
    Nelle. Nelle finishes writing at her desk and calls
    haphazardly:]
    NELLE
    [dejectedly and slowly] Come in Ally.
    [Ally slowly walks in and the door is once again shut.]
    [Inside the office, Nelle's chair is turned away from Ally,
    facing the window. Ally stands and firmly pleads to the
    chair back.]
    NELLE (CONT'D)
    I can't wait to see what I'm going to
    hear about now.
    ALLY
    Nelle...[pause]there's really nothing
    else I can say...except...you know I've
    got to have this office back.
    I...I...know there's other ones out
    there, but this is the one for me. You
    can't deny yourself The One. [laughs
    slightly]
    NELLE
    You know what's always bothered my about
    you Ally?
    ALLY
    What, Nelle?
    NELLE
    You have always thought that, since the
    galaxy rotates around you and your short
    little skirts, it's going to be Priority
    One if you have a problem.
    ALLY
    I've...I've never thought that about me.
    [suddenly] Like when?!
    NELLE
    Like when I was with John. You weren't
    able to have any respect for the
    relationship and establishment between
    ourselves; you'd just barge right in
    between us to cry on his shoulder--and he
    would of course listen every time!
    ALLY
    So is this about my relationship with
    John? Because if that's what you're
    trying to get at Nelle...at least I could
    go share my feelings. He didn't have to
    guess at what was happening beneath a
    frozen heart. Is that what threatened
    you?
    [This has obviously struck a nerve with her and she snaps
    around to face Ally.]
    NELLE
    Please! I could always express my
    feelings!
    ALLY
    You broke up with the man on a cell phone
    as his legs were dangling out of an
    elevator shaft! Yeah, Nelle. I can feel
    the love.
    NELLE
    Well, now that it's out, no, this wasn't
    about that Ally. [pause; quickly] You're
    a spoiled, whiny little baby.
    If one person won't give you what you
    want then you'll move from one person to
    the next until you get it.
    ALLY
    There's a foreign term I think you might
    be confusing that with Nelle--"friend"?
    But then again, you wouldn't know it, it
    seems.
    [Nelle is oblivious; she is looking around at her desk and
    then the whole room.]
    NELLE
    [reviled] I'll save you the trouble this
    time Ally. Just take the office.
    [Nelle drudgingly gets up from her chair and Ally continues
    to stand, dumbfounded.]
    [Ally is about to speak to the oncoming Nelle as Nelle goes
    past her and out of the office. Ally continues to stand,
    bewildered.]
    [Nelle is now outside John's office. She knocks forcefully
    and then enters, slamming the door. For emphasis, she opens
    the door again to slam it once more. On this second slam,
    she lets out a short bellow, telltale of her anger.]
    [She walks up to John's desk where he is working and leans on
    the desk, with her arms spread out on its top.]
    NELLE (CONT'D)
    I can't do it anymore, John. I'm
    finished.
    JOHN
    [finally looking up] Excuse me?
    NELLE
    I've had enough. No more [searching for
    words, and then exploding] of this stupid
    office! What is the point? [slowly] I
    almost always have meaningless cases...my
    career has been at a dead standstill
    John. Give me one occupational benefit
    or promotion this firm has provided me
    with. All Ally does is sit around all
    day and dance, and she was promoted to
    partner before me?
    [John, bombarded, is speechless at the sudden turn of events.
    He cannot even gather his thoughts.]
    NELLE (CONT'D)
    I put up with so much, and there's
    nothing in return! I'm one of the only
    good lawyers here and I can't even have
    the office I want?! I have no one I can
    emphathize with, nor do I want to, at
    this...stupid firm. We're the laughing
    stock, you know that? [looking at him for
    a moment, then, sadly] I'm done.
    [John is still staring at Nelle dumbfounded. She looks back
    at him, without any words and regretfully walks out.]
    [Later, John's office. John is laying on his couch, and right
    below him, on the floor, Richard lays, with his head at the
    end where John's feet are right above.]
    JOHN
    [genuine, not quirky] I am befuddled
    Richard. I am truly stumped...What could
    be the cause?
    RICHARD
    You did say she did mentioned her office,
    didn't you?
    JOHN
    Oh balls, I don't know. She mentioned a
    lot. [gesticulating] No career
    advancement, our firm as a whole is a
    laughing stock, no one here she can
    identify with, and as sad as it might be
    Richard, she is right. [he shakes his
    head] But how could anyone here reach
    the Ice Queen? [pause; now very grave] I
    am stumped. No joke, Richard: with the
    massive layoffs this firm has been
    taking...If something does not happen,
    this firm will be forced to shut down
    until--
    RICHARD
    [thinking] Wait little buddy. [mumbling
    somewhat] I saw her at a restaraunt the
    other day...she said...[internally
    thinking as John waits impatiently] John,
    how would you like to have two lawyers
    for the effort of one?
    JOHN
    Richard? May I be informed of what is
    happening?
    RICHARD
    [still to himself] Bygones. [rising]
    Gotta go John, I'll see what I can do.
    [John sits up, still on the couch. He moves his hands apart
    in ignorant disgust.]
    [Various shots of Boston are shown as cheery music begins to
    play. Its last echoes are heard as an extreme close up of
    Ally's face comes into view. She is both repulsed and
    distracted. Her plaintiff, Mr. Riggins, is being questioned
    by the opposing counsel. Since we are so concentrated on
    Ally, just as she is on her own self, we can only
    occasionally make out the subject of this quesitioning, such
    as, "But why go so far as to get a court injunction Mr.
    Riggins?" Various angles of Ally's face begin to flash.
    They become more and more rapid and sudden and when they are
    finally too intense we hear:]
    JUDGE WALSH
    Ms. McBeal?!
    [Ally looks up irately, instead of with the usual shocked
    expression.]
    ALLY
    What?!!
    JUDGE WALSH
    If we are wasting your time here, I can
    simply hold you in contempt and get
    another lawyer. Now for the last time,
    would you like to rebuttal?
    [Ally pauses. Suddenly, the drums of "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him
    Goodbye" begin to play as Ally stares at the judge. The
    regular world fades out until Ally is lost. Vonda begins
    softly and crescendoes: "Na na na na, na na na na..."]
    [Ally, of course, can't resist the music and begins moving
    her body to the rythm, though she still has her eyes open and
    can see the room. Somewhere in the background we hear,
    synchronized with the music, Judge Walsh.]
    MUSIC
    Na na na na
    Na na na na
    Hey hey hey hey
    Goodbye
    JUDGE WALSH
    ....Completely crossed...line
    Enough...finally relieved...
    .....The happy day....come..
    Goodbye!
    [Later, back at the office, the receptionist, Ms. Vassel,
    answers the phone of the firm accordingly and her eyes
    suddenly light up in intense glee.]
    ELAINE
    [with a wonderful smile] And who should I
    say is calling? Oh, I see. Yes I will
    deliver the message immediately. No,
    thank you.
    [Inside Richard's office, the man sits at his desk, staring
    scrumpciously at his laptop when a knock comes at the door.
    He quickly shuts the computer's top and yells for the one
    outside to come in. Elaine slides open the door and only
    sticks half her body in.]
    ELAINE (CONT'D)
    [still smiling] Richard. I have some
    news that's just awful.
    RICHARD
    [perplexed] And why is there a...smile on
    your face Elaine?
    ELAINE
    Well, you see, I don't know if this has
    ever happened...[with a pause of mock
    hesitation] Seymoure Walsh kicked Ally
    out of his courtroom.
    RICHARD
    [only half interested] What? Well
    that's...I'm not a lawyer really, but I
    would assume it's bad. [pause] For how
    long?
    ELAINE
    [savoring] Indefinitely, it appears.
    [Richard pauses, with uncaring thought.]
    [Later, back in the main room of Cage & Fish, Elaine is
    doling out orders over the speaker phone.]
    ELAINE (CONT'D)
    [enojying every moment] And remember
    everyone there's no need to blame her,
    we're all human.
    [She suddenly hears something and hangs up the phone on her
    desk. She picks up the camcorder and snaps around, aiming it
    at the elevator.]
    [All is quiet. Though time has not slowed, the office itself
    is silent in anticipation. Finally, the elevator rings and
    the doors slowly slide apart.]
    [Ally McBeal waits inside the elevator, Starbucks cup in
    hand. She nonchalantly takes a step out of the elevator and
    stops to address Elaine.]
    ALLY
    What?
    ELAINE
    That's all?
    ALLY
    Is it...supposed to be?
    ELAINE
    At least Hester knew she was wearing a
    giant scarlet letter on her chest.
    ALLY
    [looking around] Where is everybody?
    [Moments later, the door to John's office opens and Ally
    sticks her head in. Only Richard is there.]
    ALLY (CONT'D)
    [slowly] Elaine said that John wanted to
    speak with me?
    RICHARD
    He's in the unisex.
    ALLY
    [confused] Okay. Do you know what about?
    RICHARD
    Well, Ally, if I had to take a wild
    guess...I'd say it would probably be
    about your court banishment.
    ALLY
    [disgusted at his antics] Banishment?
    RICHARD
    Yeah, that's uh...a real bugger.
    [Ally growls.]
    [She walks through the door of the unisex and, before she can
    reach the mirrors, she stops and looks up, horrified.]
    [We see that John is in a continual loop of his "dismount".]
    [Terrified, Ally turns to walk out when an "in-motion" scream
    is uttered.]
    JOHN
    Don't go anywhere, you punk!
    [We hear the sharp thud of John's landing as Ally reluctantly
    pivots. She slowly walks up to John. His unparalleled anger
    builds as the conversation progresses.]
    JOHN (CONT'D)
    [quietly] You know, Allyson McBeal, that
    I think Walsh is a curmudgeon. A
    curmudgeoned toad. I wouldn't touch him
    with a 39 1/2 foot pole, and if he were
    anyone else but my superior in the Court
    of Law I would have no respect for the
    man. I don't care how fake it is, or
    even if you have to keep a handle on your
    rudeness, as I often find myself having
    to do. But the man is indeed a judge and
    we must keep ourselves under control
    while we are under his jurisdiction.
    ALLY
    [with dissmissive poutiness] John, it's
    not what you think. All I was doing was--
    JOHN
    Oh balls! Don't feed that to me! You
    were kicked out the man's courtroom
    dammit! You realize how much exposure
    this is going to recieve?
    ALLY
    John I'm going to be able to go back
    eventually. He's just tired of the fact
    that I'm a little...[with singular
    contempt] distracted.
    JOHN
    [solemnly] Now you listen here, we have
    been losing employees faster than the
    bubonic plague.
    ALLY
    Well it's not like I can't practice!
    JOHN
    [screaming] No, but I surely wish you
    couldn't.
    ALLY
    So this is really about the number of
    employees of the firm?
    JOHN
    That's a bad thing?
    ALLY
    It is if you're really caring about
    yourself.
    JOHN
    In case you haven't forgotten, Ally, we
    all work at the same place.
    ALLY
    If you would let me explain what
    happened! [she pauses, seeing that he
    doesn't interrupt] I became distracted
    when he asked me a question. That's the
    only thing that happened, John. Okay?
    Is that such a bad thing?
    [John walks in the opposite direction for a moment but has
    now turned around and now faces her again.]
    JOHN
    I don't care if you were Roberta Parks
    and he was was Strom Thurmond, he
    deserves respect, even if it's completely
    bogus, Ally. I would have hoped you
    could have realized something like that.
    [Ally has an indignant expression on her face as John turns
    around again to walk a few feet. He finally turns and walks
    back towards her again.]
    JOHN (CONT'D)
    [slowly] What this is about, Ally, is
    integrity. Of you. Of me. And, yes of
    this firm where we both work.
    ALLY
    Integrity?! How can you talk about
    respect when you're the one who has been
    fined thousands of dollars from the same
    judge?! You've used blow torches,
    clickers, and and and--oh, how's this for
    respect?--"Your Curmudgeon", "Your
    Grinch"? I don't see how you have the
    integrity to talk to me about integrity!
    JOHN
    You obviously did something Ally. And
    I'm sure he wasn't all to blame. [pause;
    now quietly scalding] But we are
    constantly losing integrity as a firm
    Ally. You know that's something I've
    always desired, especially with the
    derogatory childhood that I had. You can
    bet that every last ounce of this firm's
    respect will be SUCKED DRY after hearing
    of this. [long pause] When they were
    writing the Declaration of Independence
    one of the men said "We can hang together
    or we can hang separately." That's the
    only decision we have left. Yes, I know
    this was certainly not the worst thing
    that has happened to our firm nor will it
    debilitate us from continuing to
    practice, but it was the last straw Ally.
    ALLY
    With all due respect John, it could just
    as easily have happened to you.
    JOHN
    And with all due respect, Ally, I'll keep
    that in mind as I read about it next week
    in Boston Law.
    [Ally turns around and shoves Elaine (and her camcorder) out
    of the way as she leaves the unisex.]
    [The first piano notes of Vonda's "This is Crazy Now" begin
    as Ally walks down a Boston sidewalk. It is noticeably day.
    It is apparent that she is fraught, and as she walks at a
    slow-motion rate, the rest of the people all around her move
    by in a very fast, sped-up way. We see, for a moment, the
    sun moving much more rapidly than usual and, as an effect, we
    also see its swiftly-changing shadows.]
    [In Ally's room, she sits on the floor, still in her "suit",
    at the foot of her bed.]
    [Ally of course is staring blankly, completely absorbed in
    her thought, and Renee is suddenly standing at a distance,
    behind her.]
    RENEE
    You know, Ally, worse things could
    happen. You haven't lost anything--your
    job, your security, your appearance.
    [laughingly] It's no big deal; Walsh is a
    shriveled prune. Speaking of shriveled,
    one of my friends at the DA's office says
    his assests are quite deflated.
    ALLY
    [on the verge of tears] Why does it seem
    like it's always me, Renee?
    RENEE
    [looking at her for a moment] Oh Ally,
    it's not. Remember when I kick-boxed
    that boy unconcious?
    ALLY
    I believe that was more of a private
    matter.
    RENEE
    Ally...[pause] This attitude of yours has
    got to stop. It can't just start up
    every time the wind changes. Look, girl:
    if you're disappointed because you wish
    you could take something back, or even if
    you're mad because Judge Seymoure acted
    like a jack...I don't mind that Ally.
    I'll eat ice cream with you or whatever
    until you're nice and neurotic again.
    [another pause as she waits] But
    Ally...if you're pouting because this is
    happening to you instead of someone else;
    and you think that you're fate's
    scapegoat...I think that ideology sucks
    and that you need to grow up. [waiting]
    So which is it?
    ALLY
    [slightly crying] It isn't just that
    Renee.
    RENEE
    Oh? Then what would it be?
    ALLY
    [pause] I...I don't know. I'm empty.
    There used to be a support for me, and
    whenever I was messing up in one area of
    my life...the other parts could keep
    it...bouyant. All the supports are down
    this time. I think I might have the Y2k
    bug. Maybe I need to think about
    Prozac...for real.
    RENEE
    [disgusted] Please Ally. Some little
    drug isn't gonna help with the symptoms
    of work day pressures.
    ALLY
    I think it might be a little more than
    that this time.
    RENEE
    Ally? The solution is so simple.
    ALLY
    And what would that be?
    RENEE
    Larry.
    ALLY
    [looking down] I told you not to mention
    that name ever again Renee.
    RENEE
    Excuse me?
    ALLY
    You heard what I said.
    RENEE
    [confused] What did you think I said?
    ALLY
    [softly] L...a...r...r...y...?
    RENEE
    Ally, The only thing I said was "love."
    [smiling] I guess that's how your little
    ears interpretted it.
    [We see a close-up of Ally, with an expression of irate
    confusion. As the camera pans out we see Ally standing at
    Elaine's desk, the next day.]
    ELAINE
    That's all of the messages. You need
    anything?
    ALLY
    [distracted] Hmm? Oh. No, I'm great.
    [Ally walks to her office and shuts the door.]
    [Over in Richard's office, Liza is hanging all over the
    senior partner as he tries to make his way to the door.]
    LIZA
    I don't want this woman here Richard.
    From what I've heard she's sneaky.
    RICHARD
    [pushing her away, annoyed] Stop
    sweetcakes. We need her to help get some
    new employees. Not only is is she the
    best, but you have nothing to worry
    about. If there's anyone who understands
    the importance of fidelity it would be
    me. Hands down.
    LIZA
    [stopping in front of the door;
    seriously] Richard. Elaine told me you
    had a history with her. Now I hope it's
    nothing to worry about. The knee is
    exclusive to me, right?
    RICHARD
    Absolutely, cheesecake.
    [He scoots her and she falls all the way onto the floor.]
    LIZA
    [in mock whininess] Richard!
    RICHARD
    Sorry. Be back shortly.
    [In the main room of the building, John is looking at papers
    when Elaine suddenly disturbs him.]
    ELAINE
    [with apprehension] John. John.
    JOHN
    [slightly stuttering] Wha-What?
    ELAINE
    Do you feel that?
    [John looks at her in contempt and confusion.]
    ELAINE (CONT'D)
    There's been a change in the air. I can
    feel it.
    [Just as John is about to comment on the ridiculous, elusive
    statement Richard comes whizzing by the two.]
    RICHARD
    She's here!
    JOHN
    [mad] Who?
    [The two are in tow of Richard when the elevator dings. The
    three suddenly stop, anxiously awaiting.]
    [Harsh, clashing music sounds as the doors open to reveal
    none other than Ling Woo. She wears a black jumpsuit of some
    kind and her hair is in a tight bun on top of her heard, held
    up by two knife-like objects. The music suddenly stops as
    she steps out, meeting Richard.]
    LING
    This place makes me feel dirty, like I'm
    at the Salvation Army. No wonder I've
    been called to help out the needy.
    [Richard simply smiles in his weakness. As he and Ling begin
    to move, John comes up directly into Richard's face,
    extremely concerned.]
    JOHN
    I'm distraught. I'll be in my hole.
    [Ally sits in the chair at her desk, thinking silently, when
    suddenly Richard and Ling storm in. She looks up in
    mortification.]
    LING
    You look out of place, girl. [to
    Richard] If you want Nelle back, give her
    this office.
    RICHARD
    [confused] Wha--That's why she quit?
    LING
    Not really. But it would help.
    ALLY
    [scared] Hey! Wha wha what are you doing
    here? I thought you were a judge?
    LING
    I was. It bored me. You never
    appreciate your own intelligence fully
    until you deal with knitwits all day.
    Then again, I guess you couldn't
    understand. [cheerily] Speaking of
    judges--I heard you had some problems
    with one yourself.
    [Ally snarls, and Ling raises an eyebrow, looking at her
    condescendingly. Richard and Ling turn to leave.]
    LING (CONT'D)
    [as they walk out] I'm bored.
    [A twirling high-heel strikes Ling in the back of the head.]
    LING (CONT'D)
    [whiny] Owww.
    [A pissed off Ally is now in the unisex, bent over searching
    for John's feet and calling his name. She is now at the very
    back stalls bent over and she suddenly snaps up as she hears
    an electronic sliding. Shortly afterwards, a front toilet
    flushes and John steps out.]
    JOHN
    You were searching for me?
    ALLY
    Could I umm talk to you...just for a
    moment.
    JOHN
    I'd be happy to oblige.
    [As can be seen through the window of John's office, it is
    now night. Directly below the window, Ally and John both sit
    on the couch, facing eachother.]
    JOHN (CONT'D)
    I apologize for my--
    ALLY
    No...it's okay John. But...I'm afraid I
    might have some bad news.
    JOHN
    The Witch has returned from the West?
    ALLY
    Speaking of, why is she back?
    JOHN
    Richard think's she somehow knows the way
    to...get more employees.
    [Ally stares perplexedly for a moment.]
    ALLY
    I've gotta take a break.
    JOHN
    From?
    ALLY
    This firm.
    JOHN
    [somewhat disgusted] She won't be here
    forever.
    ALLY
    No no, it doesn't even have anything to
    do with that. Or or the suspension.
    [pause] I've just gotta get away John.
    Something's too much for me. [short
    pause] And I guess I'm gonna try to find
    out what.
    JOHN
    [contemplatively] You know the shortage
    of employees we have right now. There
    are still plenty of cases without Walsh
    sitting. [pause] I just don't think what
    you're asking for is plausible.
    ALLY
    Well John, what about when you left for a
    hiatus? You wouldn't even be back now if
    it weren't for...the circumstances.
    JOHN
    Yes Ally, the
    circumstances--circumstances in which it
    is absolutely imperitive that you stay
    for.
    ALLY
    John, I know it's inconvenient. But in
    the long run, it's gonna be much easier
    if I take a break by choice now...than to
    have to take one later. And I have a
    feeling the recovery time would be much
    longer if that were the case.
    JOHN
    [thinking, and finally] Is a week enough?
    ALLY
    I think...I hope. [pause] Thank you John.
    [Ally opens the door as she walks out of the office. On the
    way to her own, she sadly walks by Richard's office. There
    is of course the sound of Liza screaming.]
    [Ally goes back into her office and puts on her coat, she
    takes a long, slow look out her window and the camera pans
    out of it and down onto the bottom of the building where Ally
    is waiting as rain falls. Ms. Shepard's "Lose My Way" begins
    playing as Ally takes a step out into the rain.]
    [Now all that can be heard is the music. Not long after Ally
    steps out from under the canopy of the building a man comes
    up with an umbrella and offers her its sanctuary. She smiles
    and turns him down, continuing to walk down the sidewalk as
    we zoom away from her and then gradually fade out.]
    

[ top ] 

* * *

Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc. 


	5. Truth

**_Ally McBeal_**

**__**

****

**6.4 - Truth**

_Guest Starring Jane Leeves as Dr. Mildred McGintey_

Previously on _Ally McBeal_:

------------------------------------------------------

[As she turns around reluctantly, we see the precocious receptionist, in a pink shirt, but other unusual equipment as well: large safety goggles, a tool belt around her waist, and, most importantly, the power drill.]

------------------------------------------------------

RENEE

Maybe you need a break.

------------------------------------------------------

NELLE

(condescending) I said you can have your office.

------------------------------------------------------

NELLE

I can't do it anymore, John!

------------------------------------------------------

JUDGE WALSH

Goodbye!

------------------------------------------------------

ALLY

Well it's not like I can't practice!

JOHN

(screaming) No, but I surely wish you couldn't.

------------------------------------------------------

LING

This place makes me feel dirty, like I'm at the Salvation Army. No wonder I've been called to help out the needy.

------------------------------------------------------

ALLY

I've gotta take a break.

JOHN

From?

ALLY

This firm.

------------------------------------------------------

[Ally's bedroom.  Morning.  Ally opens her eyes slowly and yawns.  She "hears" a rooster crow and rolls her eyes in disgust.  Moments later she staggers into the kitchen, yawning.  After pouring herself a cup of coffee, she sits down across the table from Renee.  She eventually looks up to see her roommate; the woman's eyes are open at full breadth, staring out into nothingness.  Renee is obviously distressed.]

ALLY

Renee?!...(bewildered) Are you alright?

RENEE

Hmmm?  (snapping out) Not really, no.

ALLY

My gosh.

  What happened?

RENEE

(on the verge of tears) I watched "The Ring".  

ALLY

I didn't hear you watching a movie last night.

RENEE

I didn't.  I watched it a week ago.

ALLY

(horrified) Oh.

RENEE

(pause) What time is it?

ALLY

...Seven-thirty.

RENEE

Well...I guess I better be going.

ALLY

Yeah.   Be careful.

RENEE

Mmm hmm.

[Renee absentmindedly jumps up and heads for the door pell-mell.  She turns around before leaving.]

RENEE

Hey, are we doing lunch today?

ALLY

No...remember I'm not even going in this week. 

RENEE

(knowingly) Ohhh, that's right.

ALLY

Oh, what?  People can't take breaks?

RENEE

Do I need to come check up on you sometime today?

ALLY

Renee!  I'll be fine!

[Renee raises an eyebrow.]

ALLY

(slowly) I will be perfectly fine.  

[Renee gives a skeptic smile before leaving.  Ally looks around in silence, nodding her head with optimism.]

[Ally lets out a satisfied sigh and heads for the living room.  It's so silent at first that she cannot even hear the first, bouncing, repeated chords of The Beatles' "One".  Ally suddenly freezes, not even allowing her moving foot to make contact with the floor.] 

[The song's repeated intro. grows louder and louder of course.] 

ALLY

(quickly) Dammit.  Dammit!  How about one day of silence, or an hour at least.  Why is that so impossible?  

[She is looking up with harsh indignance.]

ALLY

What?  You think I can't stop this?

[She cups her hands over her ears and waves her head back and forth.]

ALLY

Ha ha.  You see this?  When I'm talking I can't hear anything.

[The words begin to play with the song:  "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do..."]

ALLY

(screaming) Ahhhhh.

[Ally directly sticks her fingers in her ears, closes her eyes and violently shakes her head.]

ALLY

Oh.  I know exactly what I can do to quell THIS little problem.

RENEE

Ally.

[Music dies.  Renee is standing right inside the door with a serious look on her face.  There is now only silence.]

ALLY

(jubilantly) Renee!  What are you doing here?

[Ally slowly unplugs her ears as she looks down guiltily.  She fixes her hair, and looks around casually.]

RENEE

I forgot my briefcase.

[Ally nods her head understandably, trying disarm any suspicion.]

RENEE

(looking around; and then:) Do you have an appoint--

ALLY

(angrily) Yes!

RENEE

What time?

ALLY

Ten.

RENEE

Can you get it any earlier?

ALLY

(angry sarcasm) Huh.  And why would you want me to do that?

RENEE

(smiling) No reason, really.  

[Ally wears a look of pouting defeat.]

OPENING CREDITS

[The law office conference room; morning.]

[Richard stands at the table's head, while Liza and John sit impatiently in their seats.  Elaine is also there, too, looking strangely uncomfortable.]   

RICHARD

Greetings, all.  Liza and I had a--whoa--wonderful night last night, I hope everyone else did, too.  Not that I care.  

[Liza flashes rage, John looks up from his breakfast in disgust.]

JOHN

Unessential.

ELAINE

Richard, I was just curious why I'm here...(cheerily) not that I mind, but...

RICHARD

Number one:  the room would just be too empty without your giving spirit along with us.  Also, it'd be a bugger if you left me alone in the room with these two bulldogs.  Yikes.  

LIZA

Don't think we actually consider you an equal.

ELAINE

And what makes you think I would want to stoop to your level?

RICHARD

Ladies.  Let's remain in the spirit of brotherly love...and money.  Speaking of, it's a bugger we have only one case today.  Not that we could handle more.  John, after much deliberating on this copyright issue, I've decided to let you first chair.

JOHN

I appreciate your benevolence.

RICHARD

Any time.  Liza, we all know what that makes you.

LIZA

Angry?  A Celibate?

RICHARD

I was thinking more along the lines of second chair.  (pause) Bygones.  Moving on, I just wanted to inform you all that we will have a new face around the firm.  "Why?" you might ask.  Wel--

LING

This place needs someone to lighten up the atmosphere.  It would just seem so hateful if I 

wasn't here.  

[Ling has just appeared from the room's front doors.  Liza's head snaps around, while John suddenly throws down his muffin.]

LING

I can't even express how happy I am to be here.  (with a radiant smile) Say "hello" to your brand new financial and occupational consultant.

RICHARD

(oblivious) Hello.

[Ally sits impatiently in a waiting room, surrounded by dull, starkly black and white paintings, walls, and floors.  The room is appropriately deathly silent as well.  The woman looks down, her fingers fidgeting at her mouth when she is suddenly called to look up.  A receptionist has just called "Ms. McBeal".  Though she is being led into another door, she turns around at the last second to answer a question from the receptionist.] 

RECEPTIONIST

Well, you can just pay later...(pungently)Good luck.

[Ally stares at the fleeting woman in disgust as the door closes on her.  She turns around without thinking and screams in utter terror at the sight before her.]

[In a sprawling room, are bright, swirling colors of all spectrums.  Even though the room is tasteful, it is still distinctly nauseating--scattered throughout are mediums of insectoid art, from mantis sculptures to moth pillows.]

DR. MCGINTEY

(slowly) Indeed, my dear.  You have come to the right place. 

[A bright-eyed woman is standing in the center of the room, hands folded.  Not only is her hair in a strange vertical configuration, but she has on massive, thick-rimmed glasses.  Her wide eyes are magnified to an extremity with these spectacles.  Dr. Mildred McGintey is dressed in a green silk outfit.]

ALLY

(ruefully) Oh, I think I would say the right place has come to me.

DR. MCGINTEY

(motioning to the couch) Relax, dear.  Apparently you're in need of some peace.  But first, sign this.

[Dr. McGintey flashes a thick packet of documents in Ally's face.]

ALLY

(appalled) What is this?

DR. MCGINTEY

Oh, just a little non-liability form.

ALLY

For what?!

DR. MCGINTEY

You're a lawyer; I was hoping you could tell me.  Let's just say that I advise kooks, not produce them.

[Ally shoots the therapist down with her eyes.  She vehemently signs and then heads for the couch.  Violently, she sits down with a scowl.]

DR. MCGINTEY

Oh, not there my dear.  

[She once again motions, except this time to the floor directly in front of the couch.]

ALLY

(quietly, angrily) What?

DR. MCGINTEY

It's just my individual approach.  Well, I just might as well say it:  if you're in for therapy, you probably need all the blood in your head you can get.

[Ally stands up, about to begrudingly move into her new position.  Dr. McGintey is beginning to write in a file, looking down and speaking as she does so.]

DR. MCGINTEY

I must say, for a long time, I didn't really think you existed.

ALLY

(standing) Excuse me?

DR. MCGINTEY

Well I'd certainly heard about you before, but you can't help but wonder if it's just another legend.  Psychiatrists do that, you know--invent phony patients to inflate their reputations.  I suppose I'll have a good story to tell in the long run, though.

ALLY

You...knew about me?

DR. MCGINTEY

Well of course my dear.  What shrink doesn't?  Oh the things I would hear from Dr. Clark, why did you ever leave her?  She's back from Foxborough, you know.  Now the theme song, I would say it will need a bit of work--

ALLY

My psychiatrist disclosed my conditions with you?!

DR. MCGINTEY

Oh, it's not really a normal occurrence.  She just said if you ever came to any of us, we had better be ready for your loopy ways.  (laughs congenially)

ALLY

I could sue for this!

DR. MCGINTEY

Oh, but you won't, dear.  She did mention your little problem with authority...

[Richard's office.]

LING

(holding a report portfolio; yelling) This is the most lax attention I've ever seen paid.  How could these things slip by you, Richard?

RICHARD

Well, mostly, I don't care.

LING

If George W. had as many problems as this law firm, half the people in this country would be employed by the government, working as an advisor.  When would he have time to declare war?

RICHARD

(defensively) Well then what do you suggest, Mr. Stephanopolis?

[Ling rubs her temples and then groans whinily.]

LING

I have a headache.  I need a break.

RICHARD

[angrily] Well I'm just glad you've already brought about so much reform.

LING

Shut up.

[Richard stares at Ling a moment, with a mischievous look as she leans back with her eyes closed, feet propped up on his desk.  He gets up from his desk and moves towards her, gently touching the back of her knee.]

RICHARD

You're getting paid by the hour?

LING

(slapping his hand) Oh get off it.

[Ling haughtily gets up and heads towards the door;   Richard chases after her.  He 

follows her plaintively as they walk through the office.]

RICHARD

At least clue me in on the most obvious problems.

LING

The employees, Richard.  What an inhumane place for anyone to have to work.  You're eventually going to have to correct this imbalance.

RICHARD

Imbalance?  

LING

Between work and rewards.  These people are driven like slaves.  And what do they get for it?

RICHARD

Money.  What else would they want?

LING

Give them incentives.  Or rewards.  A surprise once and a while to let them think it's actually worth it to work at such a strange place.

RICHARD

They get the reward of staying employed.

LING

Please, Richard.

RICHARD

Come on, we're a close knit bunch.  

LING

Two summers ago.  Do you know what happened?  

RICHARD

I'm guessing not.

[The two stop walking.]

LING

All of those employees who left the firm--Mark, Jackson--were there any others?  Oh yes, Nelle and I.  We all had a secret meeting.  The ones who eventually left told us they had decided it wasn't worth it to work here.  Not because of the money.  Richard, they said some pretty nasty things about this place.  I didn't care one way or the other, but Nelle actually defended you and John and this firm.  You can't even keep the people who like    working here here.  

[The resume their journey through the office.]

LING

The point is, you've created an awful environment for your employees; you're going to have to whip it into shape.  And get rid of that trashy bathroom.

RICHARD

Hey, I'll have you know that is the office's place of fellowship.  It promotes a sense of community and common progress.

[Ending their journey, the two walk into the unisex bathroom, suddenly hearing the screams of two conflicting women.]

[Suddenly, Liza and Elaine, in a deathlock, fly out the back, right stall and launch forward, hitting the door of another.  As Elaine pulls at Liza's hair, the opponent grabs Elaine's head and bangs it against a stall door.  The door abruptly gives way and the two fall head first into another stall.]

[Ling turns to Richard.]

RICHARD

(pause) Yeah.

[The office door of Cone, Raddick and Thompson stealthily opens as Ally McBeal quietly slips in.  She wanders over to the receptionist's desk, where a young, energetic man sits, and pleads guiltily.]

ALLY

Yes, umm, is Miss Raddick in at the moment?

RECEPTIONIST

I'm afraid she's with someone.  Let me just contact her.

[Moments later, a familiar voice comes onto the phone's speaker.]

RENEE

Yes?

RECEPTIONIST

Are you free for someone?

ALLY

Ally McBeal.

RECEPTIONIST

A Ms. McBeal?

RENEE

(suddenly flustered) What?  Oh, I'll...no, tell her to stay there.  I'm coming out.

[Ally turns and meanders off, hands on her lips in confusion.]

RENEE

(happily petrified) Well, look who it is.

ALLY

(quietly moody) And umm is it a problem to be here?  

RENEE

Of course not.

ALLY

Who are you with anyway?

RENEE

(suspiciously) Oh...just an old acquaintance.  

ALLY

(paranoid) Mmmm.

RENEE

Why are you here?  (waiting)  I thought you were in therapy?

ALLY

Well...I was, but--

RENEE

But what?

ALLY

The woman is strange, Renee.

RENEE

Please.

ALLY

Renee, I had to sign a liability contract!  I have to sit on my head, and--

RENEE

Well I'm glad none of your other therapists have been unorthodox.  This must be quite a shock.

ALLY

Unorthodox?!  Why in God's name did you send me to her?

RENEE

Ally you go through therapists like you do men.  (pause)  You said you needed a new one.  I heard Whipper saying that that woman really helped her when--

ALLY

Whipper?  This was a recommendation from Whipper?  Oh, well I know I'm in good hands now.  Renee, how many relationships has this woman held that didn't involve wattle?  How many relationships has she had, period.

WHIPPER

Enough.  Maybe even more than you.

[Whipper Cone has just come through the door, fresh off her lunch break.  Ally grimaces and turns around slowly.]

ALLY

(humbly, strangely) How long have you been...standing there?

WHIPPER

Ally, that therapist has helped me through some rough times.  Maybe she uses absurd methods, but at least they keep the focus off of the more devastating matters at hand; She'll get the solution to reveal itself little by little.  You know, not everyone has to coexist alongside someone else.  But hey, if you're meant to be with someone, it will all work out.

ALLY

Thrilling concept.

WHIPPER

Ally, you're a bright girl.  I doubt you've given up on love.  And I would hope you wouldn't let one misfortune threaten your resolve.

[Ally is now heading towards the door in defeat.  Ally opens the door but turns around before leaving.]

ALLY

And what about you?  Is it really in the stars for you to be a significant other?

WHIPPER

(vaguely smiling, but optimistic) We'll see.

[Back in the office, John walks down the stairs with Liza in tow.  He has a law book open 

as he walks and he is angrily gesturing to her as he takes every step.  He looks down to the landing and halts in horror.  Liza, a few steps behind and distracted, doesn't see John's sudden stop and plows into him.  

[He tumbles down the long staircase and lands in a heap on the floor.  As the camera pans upward, a long line of young men and women in suits are waiting impatiently.  Ling parades up and down, sticking stethoscopes on their chests, prodding them in the mouths with tongue pressers, and using other various medical equipment to look in their ears and test their pulse.]

[John awkwardly uncoils and stands to his feet.  Ling walks over to meet him, unphased by his contorted face.]

JOHN

What in the blue bl-(stuttering)bababebae-pougkeepababa-POOP!  

LING

Was that dwarfish?  These are some of the applicants for the new positions.  I just thought I'd give them a physical before the interview.  (looking John over suspiciously) You can never be sure what people are carrying these days. 

[Ling turns around to the massive line with a bogus grin.]

LING

Everyone say "hello" to a senior partner!

[The group is silent and delightfully shocked as they gawk at the funny little man.  After a moment, John turns to Ling with his sustained grimace; he grips his heavy book as some means of concealment.]

JOHN

(shouting) Unacceptable!

[In John's office, he and Richard sit in their crossed-legged zen formations.  Though they both have their eyes closed, Richard is clearly restless and uncomfortable.] 

JOHN

My persona has been sullied.

RICHARD

(with faux intelligence) Mmm.

JOHN

If any of those candidates are hired--which is quite possible--I will never be whole again.

RICHARD

Concurred.

JOHN

What makes Ling think she can just parade them into the office, and give them a check-up like some horse before she gives them a ride around the coral?

RICHARD

Confounding, to say the least.

JOHN

Balls!

RICHARD

I must--

JOHN

No, Richard, can you listen to my words of perturbment without chipping in with the grunt of a mountain sage?

RICHARD

(quietly) No.

JOHN

(confused, pause) Excuse me?

[Richard opens his eyes and stands up to move.]

RICHARD

John, why is it always this continual cycle?  Embarrassment, affirmation.  Embarrassment, affirmation.  So you fell down a few steps in front of fifty people.  (laughs) Big deal, Scarlett O'Hara.  Just think of yourself compared to...President Ford.  See?  Now you are grace in the flesh.  A fool knows he is better, when he looks at one even more foolish than the one he thinks a fool.  Fishism. If you ask me, little buddy, this whole whining ritual is just getting old.  So, for once, be a grown up and...(nonchalantly) get some self-esteem.  (contentedly) Yeah.  

[John's eyes snap open in outrage as his nose whistles.  He shoots up to face Richard.  He motions his hands along with his words but he is at a loss for any.] 

JOHN

(determined) Tell Liza the preliminary is at eleven, and that she needs to look at the Kinko's and Texaco cases, along with Section 108 of the Code.

[John storms out of his office with Richard in weak pursuit.] 

RICHARD

(whining) John--

JOHN

It was an eloquent speech, Richard.  If only you could have such words in court.  If only you had words in court.

[John climbs through a mass of people as he makes his way to the elevator.]

RICHARD

(calling from a distance) Well here we want lawyers that are men--intelligent and mature.

[Richard suddenly looks down at a young female in the line.  He reaches for her neck with a stroking finger.]

RICHARD

(slowly) You just had a little...crumb.

[In the therapist's office, doctor and patient are nowhere to be seen, though their voices can be heard.  As the camera continually pans horizontally across a couch, it finally comes to rest on an image:  Ally McBeal, arms crossed in contention, as she balances upside down.  Her legs are resting on the couch, while her head is below it, on a pillow.]

DR. MCGINTEY

Well, it seems like he's the little radish who has taken root in your life.  But I can't  be quite sure.  I mean, at least there's still a possibility for him; unless he has a brain tumor, too...  Answer me a few questions.  Do you think about him often?

ALLY

Yes.

DR. MCGINTEY

Dream about him?

ALLY

(reluctantly) Yes.

DR. MCGINTEY

Do you ever fantasize he's in the room?

ALLY

Yes.

DR. MCGINTEY

Do you talk to him?

ALLY

...Yes.

DR. MCGINTEY

(lively) And kiss him?!

ALLY

Hey hey hey!  (pause) Why?

DR. MCGINTEY

(singing from _Cats_) Because jellicles do and jellicles can/Jellicles can and jellicles do/Jellic--

ALLY

Mildred!

DR. MCGINTEY

(suddenly) Yes, dear.

ALLY

What is it exactly you are trying to unearth?

DR. MCGINTEY

(ignoring her) Were there any others after that?

ALLY

A few.  They never amounted to much.  One was a...whippersnapper.  And the other (achingly) a plumber.

DR. MCGINTEY

(suspiciously) How long have you been lying to me?

ALLY

What?  I'm telling the truth.

DR. MCGINTEY

Ally, some of the things I've been hearing definitely sound far-fetched, though it probably doesn't seem like that to a "special" person like yourself.

ALLY

Dammit.  Why does everyone treat me like I am some mental wreck.  If I was really the  Blanche Dubois that I'm made out to be, why would I still be apart of functioning society?    His name was Victor.  We got along beautifully.

[Dr. McGintey, apparently continuing a pattern, knocks on wood.] 

ALLY

What?!

DR. MCGINTEY

Ally.

ALLY

Is that so hard to imagine?

DR. MCGINTEY

Yes.

ALLY

WHY?

DR. MCGINTEY

Well, you apparently got along so beautifully you dumped him.  Dearie, I know you.

ALLY

(confidently) I'm sure.

DR. MCGINTEY

Sit up.

[Ally does so poutily.  Dr. McGintey hits a button on her remote.  Ally's face becomes confused as she hears something lowering behind her.  She turns around just as a large purple neon sign reading "Liar!" comes on.]

ALLY

(to Mildred) Hey!

DR. MCGINTEY

You're father was a lawyer.  The Oedipus complex works two ways in case you didn't know.  

[Ally shoots a look, Dr. McGintey sticks her tongue out.]

ALLY

Forgive me for breaking the mold in saying feelings for my father were platonic.

DR. MCGINTEY

You wish.  Growing up with such an eminent rolemodel--though kissing your previous dead lover's ex-wife was a bit cheeky--you idealized him and transferred that...respect to all other men.  He really screwed you up, didn't he?

ALLY

(screaming) My father... 

[As soon as Ally begins, Dr. McGintey uses her remote to trigger a drowning sound of buzzing bees.  Ally's moving lips can be seen, but all that is heard is contented bees.  It is obvious Ally mouths a curse word before submitting in placid anger.]

DR. MCGINTEY

Thank you for your attention.  Soulmate #1--a lawyer.  You were even naive enough to follow him into the profession.  Soulmate #2--a lawyer.  No matter how much love you had for this "Carwash Boy" and "The Plumber"--bloody, they sound like Green Acres          characters--you know in your heart of hearts that ending up with one of them is about as likely as your sanity.  You know it, Ally:  for you, the plaintiff brings the pleasure.  (pause) And obviously you don't have an "objection."  (chuckles)

ALLY

As much as I don't think that's true, I can deal with it.  And and and how can we not prove it's because I am simply around them more.  I work with them everyday.  (optimistically) I mean,  in my life, I've heard a lot worse than this.

DR. MCGINTEY

And you're about to.

ALLY

Excuse me?

DR. MCGINTEY

You're not driven by guilt.

ALLY

Oh, and what woman is?

DR. MCGINTEY

If you had wanted to break-up Billy's marriage, you could have.  He was open; you certainly had ample opportunities.    

ALLY

Perfect!  I should have just divorced him and then taken him home with me that night like a new t.v.

DR. MCGINTEY

A device.

ALLY

And you know what we determined.  He told me I wasted love.  That that doesn't really sound like my ideal soulmate.

DR. MCGINTEY

A device.  And the same thing happened with Harry Doll.

ALLY

Larry Paul!

DR. MCGINTEY

Whatever.  Every time you pushed your little lawyer men away or even made up these dire reasons why you couldn't be with him you were using a device.  "For what?" you might ask.

[Dr. McGintey waits, holding out her hand to beckon Ally's response.]

ALLY

(begrudgingly) For what?

DR. MCGINTEY

To keep your happiness.  How could you not have realized it yet?  (pause) You are happy alone.

[Ally gets up to leave; Mildred presses another button on her remote.  Ally's feet are frozen in place.]

DR. MCGINTEY

(cheerily) Magnetic field.  Holds your little shoes right in place.  (coarsely) Now sit down, you ninny.  

[Ally does so.]

DR. MCGINTEY

Of course it sounds preposterous.  You could have had so many opportunities to be together, etc.  It doesn't matter what you think           

you want, it matters what your subconscious is feeling because ultimately that will govern your desires and actions.  It just seems so hard for you to believe.  (jokingly)  Well, believe it sister.  When Jerry left, that was the perfect excuse for you.  So you liked him at the beginning, big woo.  What really got you was the fact that, as soon as you saw him, you knew he would be a hard target to hit.  And so you went for it, all the while knowing you would never hit it.  But that's what you like, of course.  When you end with undesirable results you're not really shocked.  You knew you would be alone, but that's what  you can bear.  So tell me, dear, if you're so infatuated with this Gary Fall why haven't you gone to Detroit yet?  If you are faithful on a longterm basis--which you're not--there must be some reason.   

[The camera turns to Ally:  staring into nothingness, with tears rolling down her cheeks.]

ALLY

I...I can be faithful.  Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean that it's not there.  And to just peg me like this...without a chance.  That's not fair.  (truthfully) Life isn't fair, but that's not to say it doesn't give a second chance.  

DR. MCGINTEY

Tracey told me about this.  You can't take what I'm saying, dear.  It's time to listen to the truth--

ALLY

(forcefully) The truth is...you...you caught me at a bad time.  

[Ally gets up and walks away dispiritedly.] 

DR. MCGINTEY

Same time next week?

ALLY

(pause) No.  I'll be gone for a while.  There's something I need to do.

[A straight-faced Dr. McGintey is seen in the background as Ally shuts the door to her 

office.]


End file.
